Archive for March, 2012


Squirrels!

Me: (Opening backdoor letting the dogs in while stepping outside and closing the door.)

Bear: No!!!! Mom!!! You can't be out there alone!!!!

Me: Really?

Bear: You're gonna get eaten!

Betsy: Eaten? By what, the squirrel?

Bear: Mom!!!!!! We have to protect you!!!! (Scratches frantically at door)

Me: (Picking up small log of wood)

Bear: My chew TOY!!!!

Me: My firewood! (putting log back on wood pile)

Bear: Ugh Mother! It's bad enough you move my stuff in the house!

Me: (Picks up flat hedgehog and surrounding white fluff)

Bear: Wait! Mom, what are you going to do with that?

Me: Throw it away.

Bear: Mom! You can't, it's my favorite! I love it, I won't be happy without it!

Me: (Dropping toy remains in trash) I suspect you will survive.

Bear: No!!!! My Favorite toy!!!!

Tramp: Please tell me you are coming back in soon so we don't have to deal with him alone….

Duct Tape

Mom Comment: It has occurred to me that life with Bear would be ever so much easier without ANY blankets, sheets, towels or any other fabric type things….

Me: (Carrying MY blankets to be washed)

Bear: Blankets!!!!! (Launches at blankets trailing behind me)

Me:(Sigh)

Tramp: And just when I thought it was going to be a boring afternoon.

Bear: (Standing on tail of one blanket, grabbing a second blanket and PULLS backwards)

Me: The only saving grace right now is the fact that the blanket you are standing on is still moving.

Bear: Mom! I love them!

Me: Don't get attached, you aren't getting them (finally getting to the washer)

Bear: Mom!!! I need more blankets!! Mine is messed up!

Me: If by messed up you mean "smells funny" these are going to smell the same way. (Feeds a couple blankets into washer, drops the rest into the basket in front of the washer. Pulls utility room door mostly closed)

Bear: (Squeezing between my legs and climbs into the basket, grabs one and starts backing out the way he came)

Me: Oh no you don't (steps on blanket)

Bear: Mother!

Me: (Scooting Bear out of the room, closes door all the way)

Bear: (Puts paw under door and starts rattling it)

Me: Really?

Bear: But, Blankets!!

Me: Bear, I am positive I have enough duct tape to keep you on the ceiling for the rest of the day if you don't stop!

Tramp: Dude! He got a duct tape threat…

Lady: I knew is was just matter of time….

Betsy: Can I watch?????

Blanket Thief

Me: (Quietly putting Bears blanket in the washer)

Tramp: He is not going to be happy with you.

Me: If you will stay quiet he probably won't even notice.

Bear: (From living room) Mom!!!! OMG, OMG, OMG Mom!!!!!! We have an emergency!

Tramp: (Rolls eyes) Told you….

Me: (Taking a deep breath) Bear?

Bear: (Runs into kitchen, tries to stop, slides into me and the washer) MOM!!!! Someone stole my blanket!!! We need to call someone and (Pause) Mother, what are you putting in the washer?

Me: Your blanket

Bear: You stole my blanket!

Tramp: (snorts)

Me: No, I picked your blanket up off the living room floor and decided to wash it since you brought it out of your kennel.

Bear: Nooooooo it can't be washed!!! It's mine!

Me: Then in the future I would suggest leaving it in your kennel where I don't trip over it

Bear: Mother! How could you? It will smell funny now and I won't be able to sleep!

Me: I am sure you will get over it

Bear: Hrmp! (Sits in front of washer)

Tramp: Bear, what are you doing?

Bear: Guarding my blanket

Tramp: You know it's going to take awhile and you have the attention span of a gnat, right?

Bear: Nope! Going to guard my blanket as long as it takes!

 

A few minutes later

 

Me: (Picking up toys off the floor and putting them in the toy box)

Bear: (Running and grabbing the toy I am reaching for) Mom! I have them where I want them.

Tramp: Bear! Your blanket is unguarded!

Bear: (Runs back to washer)

Tramp: This could be fun…. 

Empty Dish

Me: (Hears something plastic being pushed, dropped and rolled down the hallway) Bear, should I ask what you are doing or just wait until you get here?
Bear: (Stops making noise) Mom! My food dish is EMPTY!
Me: The one in your kennel you dumped out this morning?
Bear: Yes! It's empty!
Me: That generally happens when you upend your bowl.
Bear: Mother! I'm hungry! I need more food.
Me: Bear, you have better than half a bag of food in and around your kennel because you turn your dish upside down every time I fill it up.
Bear: So?
Me: So, eat the food in and around your kennel. 
Bear: But it's dirty!
Me: Really? You want to go there?
Bear: SIGH

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