Scritch Magic – Take two

Bear: (Walking out of hallway with one of my socks in his mouth)
Me: Bear! Give me that!
Bear: (Walks towards me, picking up every toy in his mouth on the way so they are in front of the sock. He’s up to five fitting in his mouth. Sits in front of me, jaws locked, mouth full of toys, sock no longer visible)
Me: SIGH (Digs toys out one by one, gets to extremely soggy sock and pulls it out of Bear’s mouth)
Bear: (Still looking at me)
Me: My sock, go away.
Bear: (Still looking at me)
Me: No!
Bear: (Puts head on my leg, gives me sad puppy eyes)
Me: (Scritches nose, head, ears, neck) There, go play now.
Bear: Yay! (Heads off to play)
Me: Scritch magic worked again!

Housework in my world

And this is why anything housecleaning related takes twice as long:

Me: It’s Thursday night!
Bear: And?
Me: We get to clean up the living room! I get to see the floor again!
Bear: No!!! That isn’t fair! I don’t like it when you move my toys.
Me: Right, One day a week I get a clean living room. Deal with it.
Bear: (Notices plastic bag in my hand) Mother, what is THAT for?
Me: Fluff, shredded boxes and various toy body parts that are no longer attached
Bear: (Giving me a horrified look) What are you going to do with it?
Me: Why don’t you go out. Are you sure the backyard is still there?
Bear: Out! I need to go out!
Me: (Quickly picking up all the previously listed items and putting them in trash)
Bear: (Banging door handle after confirming location of backyard)
Me: (Letting him back in) Ok, ready to pick up all the toys?
Bear: (Wilts) If we have to.
Me: (Picks up dog bed, carries it back to boys room, drops it inside the door)
Bear: (Follows me, picks dog bed up, brings it back to living room drops in exact same spot)
Me: Bear, this isn’t going to work if you bring everything back.
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: (Picks up dog bed, carries it back to boys room, drops it inside the door)
Bear: (Follows me, picks dog bed up, brings it back to living room drops in exact same spot)
Me: Bear.
Bear: What?
Me: One more time and leave the dog bed in your room this time.
Bear: (Looks at me)
Me: Right (Picks up dog bed, carries it back to boys room, drops it inside the door)
Bear: (Follows me, picks dog bed up, brings it back to living room drops bed and stands on it)
Me: Ok, time for something different. (Picks up Bears empty toy box and starts picking up toys, filling the toy box)
Bear: (Still standing on bed) Wait! Don’t move those!
Me: (Gets last toy picked up and squished into toy box. Looks at Bear)
Bear: (Comes over to make sure all of his toys are safe.)
Me: (Walks towards boys room, grabs dog bed off the floor, stacks it on top of the top box and drops the whole thing in the boys room.)
Bear: Mother!!!!!!!
Me: (Quickly turns on vacuum)
Bear: Wait! I have to go protect my toys! (Runs to back room until the monster is done making noise)
Me: Oh look a clean living room 🙂

Homemade Pez Dispenser

Bear: (Moving food around the bottom of the food dish, flips food dish over, pushes upside down food dish across carpet, stops to eat each kibble as it works its way out from under the food dish)

Me: Oh, now I get it! You figured out how to make Pez dispensers!

Bear: (Sits down, looks at me) What’s a Pez dispenser?

Me: Something that with any luck at all you will never see or eat. Do you want me to flip the dish back over?

Bear: Yes, please.

Me: (Flips dish back over to reveal a pile of about 10 kibbles left)

Bear: (Eats all of the kibbles, looks at the empty food dish starts biting the sides and licking every inch of the inside of the food dish.)

Me: Bear, Why are you doing that?

Bear: I’m still hungry!

Me: I don’t suppose you noticed the full food dish next to you?

Bear: (Looks at other dish) Yeah but I don’t want that food.

Me: That food? Do I want to know what transition occurred after I scooped it out of the same bag as the food you just ate?

Tramp: No you don’t!

Me: Really? This sounds interesting

Tramp: Sigh

Bear: Lady touched it! It’s icky now!

Lady: (Walks by and takes a kibble from each dish and eats it, goes off to take a nap.)

Bear: See! They are all ruined now!!!

The Boy Learns

Bear: (Head butting the closed kitchen doors)
Me: Bear! Stop! That!
Bear: But Mom! I want in the kitchen!
Me: Really? I had no idea.
Tramp: (Snickers)
Bear: Mother (Sits in his pretty sits, gives me his sad puppy stare) please let me in the kitchen.
Me: No. I’m making pulled chicken and you aren’t allowed in there right now.
Bear: But it smel.. Uh I left a toy in there
Tramp: Wow, the boy’s learning
Me: Bear, even though you can’t get to what “smells good” in there, I’ve already cleaned paw prints off the counters a couple of times today and have no interest in doing it again right now.
Bear: (Walks over to where I am sitting, puts his paws in my lap and gives me a Bear kiss) Please!
Tramp: Goodness he’s pulling out all the stops.
Me: (Hugs Bear) Nope, not going to work.
Bear: Fine (Leaves living room, scratches in his kennel for a little while, sighs loud enough to be heard in the living room and plops down to take a nap.)

Confusion Strikes

Me: (Putting potato in microwave, moving dish of pulled chicken to back of counter. Leaving kitchen while dinner cooks)
Bear: (Quietly walks into kitchen, over to counter, slowly jumps up to put front paws on counter.)
Me: Bear? Something you needed?
Bear: (Looks at me while still standing at the counter, tilts head, drops down and looks confused.) Yeah Mom? (Head still tilted walks to me.)
Me: You’re going with confusion?
Bear: (Sits next to me, head still tilted) I’m hungry Mom!
Me: Three piles of food next to the dishes in my dining room would dispute that fact Baby Bear.
Bear: (Puts head in my lap, looks at me. Suddenly jumps across my lap) Bear Kisses!!!!
Me: Ah! There we go!

Group Pouting

Me: (Picking up all the dog toys for the third time this week)
Bear: Mother! What are you doing? You’ve already put my toys up a lot this week!
Me: Scarlett is coming to visit so we need to have most of your toys put up.
Bear: I don’t like it when she comes to visit! She doesn’t do what I say.
Me: I know, and she says the exact same thing about you.
Bear: Sigh, Fine!

Scarlett arrives

Me: (Letting Bear out of his kennel) Try not to be pushy with her, she’s still really little.
Bear: (Grabs three toys) mumble, mumble. (Follows me to the living room, drops the toys in their normal spots.)
Scarlett: (Watches Bear drop toys on the floor, goes and picks them up and moves them to the corner)
Bear: (Picks toys up from corner, brings them to me and drops them right next to me on the couch. Jumps up next to me on the other side and tries to climb in my lap.)
Scarlett: (Standing next to me on the side where Bear dropped his toys) Grandma, I want to sit here. (Points to a now clear spot on the couch)
Me: Scarlett, did you put Bear’s toys on the floor?
Scarlett: They don’t belong on the couch.
Bear: (Drapes his front paws and head across my lap looking very upset.)
Me: I will take that as a yes. Scarlett, he brought them to me because you moved them from where he had them originally.
Scarlett: But they don’t belong there. (Puts lower lip out, folds her arms together, sits in front of me and pouts.)
Me: (Looking at the pouting granddaughter then the pouting dog it occurred to me how bad it would be if I laughed.) Well, when you two figure it out ,the movie will still be on.