Homemade Pez Dispenser

Bear: (Moving food around the bottom of the food dish, flips food dish over, pushes upside down food dish across carpet, stops to eat each kibble as it works its way out from under the food dish)

Me: Oh, now I get it! You figured out how to make Pez dispensers!

Bear: (Sits down, looks at me) What’s a Pez dispenser?

Me: Something that with any luck at all you will never see or eat. Do you want me to flip the dish back over?

Bear: Yes, please.

Me: (Flips dish back over to reveal a pile of about 10 kibbles left)

Bear: (Eats all of the kibbles, looks at the empty food dish starts biting the sides and licking every inch of the inside of the food dish.)

Me: Bear, Why are you doing that?

Bear: I’m still hungry!

Me: I don’t suppose you noticed the full food dish next to you?

Bear: (Looks at other dish) Yeah but I don’t want that food.

Me: That food? Do I want to know what transition occurred after I scooped it out of the same bag as the food you just ate?

Tramp: No you don’t!

Me: Really? This sounds interesting

Tramp: Sigh

Bear: Lady touched it! It’s icky now!

Lady: (Walks by and takes a kibble from each dish and eats it, goes off to take a nap.)

Bear: See! They are all ruined now!!!

The Boy Learns

Bear: (Head butting the closed kitchen doors)
Me: Bear! Stop! That!
Bear: But Mom! I want in the kitchen!
Me: Really? I had no idea.
Tramp: (Snickers)
Bear: Mother (Sits in his pretty sits, gives me his sad puppy stare) please let me in the kitchen.
Me: No. I’m making pulled chicken and you aren’t allowed in there right now.
Bear: But it smel.. Uh I left a toy in there
Tramp: Wow, the boy’s learning
Me: Bear, even though you can’t get to what “smells good” in there, I’ve already cleaned paw prints off the counters a couple of times today and have no interest in doing it again right now.
Bear: (Walks over to where I am sitting, puts his paws in my lap and gives me a Bear kiss) Please!
Tramp: Goodness he’s pulling out all the stops.
Me: (Hugs Bear) Nope, not going to work.
Bear: Fine (Leaves living room, scratches in his kennel for a little while, sighs loud enough to be heard in the living room and plops down to take a nap.)

Confusion Strikes

Me: (Putting potato in microwave, moving dish of pulled chicken to back of counter. Leaving kitchen while dinner cooks)
Bear: (Quietly walks into kitchen, over to counter, slowly jumps up to put front paws on counter.)
Me: Bear? Something you needed?
Bear: (Looks at me while still standing at the counter, tilts head, drops down and looks confused.) Yeah Mom? (Head still tilted walks to me.)
Me: You’re going with confusion?
Bear: (Sits next to me, head still tilted) I’m hungry Mom!
Me: Three piles of food next to the dishes in my dining room would dispute that fact Baby Bear.
Bear: (Puts head in my lap, looks at me. Suddenly jumps across my lap) Bear Kisses!!!!
Me: Ah! There we go!

Starving with Puppy Food

Bear: (Carrying one of the food dishes) Mom!!! Betsy ate all the food, I’m starving to death!!!

Me: Starving? Really??

Bear: (Shaking food dish, then drops it) Yes! It’s empty!

Me: Did you by any chance notice the other 3 mostly full food dishes?

Bear: No! This is MY dish and Betsy ate all my food!

Me: Tell me again when this became your food dish? I could have sworn the one in your kennel with the puppy food was yours.

Bear: Yuck! I hate puppy food!

Me: I noticed.

Bear: (Picks up food dish and drops it again) Mom! Starving here!!

Me: Why don’t you go kennel so you can eat?

Bear: Mom!!!

Me: Bear!!!

Bear: (Grumbles) I don’t know why you make me eat the puppy food anyway, I’m a big boy!

Betsy: Puppy food? Where?? I want puppy food!!

Bear: No way Betsy! That’s MY food, you can’t have any!!! (Runs to kennel) Mom, hurry up and let me in!

Blanket Saga 1

Me: (Picking up the blankets piled in the hallway)

Bear: Mom!!!! Those are mine!!! (launches at the blankets)

Me: I know they are but they need to be washed

Bear: No! Mine!! (grabs one of the blankets and starts pulling)

Me: Bear! You are out of clean blankets (starts walking down hallway pulling 3 blankets, a sheet and a stubborn puppy)

Bear: Help!!! Mom is stealing my blankets!

Tramp: (sits on one of the blankets I am dragging) What’s up?

Me: (Starting to add up the puppy weight I am dragging)

Tramp: You know she gives it back, right?

Bear: No! I want my blankets (lets go of the corner he was pulling on and jumps up to grab the sheet just below where I am holding it)

Me: (Wrapping the blankets around my hands for more leverage)

Tramp: (Still sitting on the blanket as it’s moving)

Me: Bear, let go! I am going to wash the blankets, with or without you attached

By this time we have gotten to the carpet and have two corners to turn to get to the washer

Bear: (Lets go enough to slide down and get a better grip and starts pulling backwards now that he has traction on the carpet)

Me: (Considers wrapping both dogs in the blankets and throwing the whole bundle in the backyard)

Me: (Finally navigated the corners and gets to the kitchen where the blankets slide again)

Bear: I want my blankets! (still pulling backwards)

Tramp: Time to go!(heads to the living room)

Me: (pulling the blankets up and feeding them into the washer inch by inch)

Bear: (hanging on until his feet aren’t touching the floor then lets go) Fine, I’ll go get Betsy’s chew toy.

Me: SIGH

On the upside – the blankets are clean

The Tragedy of Growing

Bear: Mom, I want in your lap.

Me: Sweetie, you really don’t fit in my lap anymore.

Bear: Of course I fit, let me up.

Me: Sure we can try (lifts Bear into my lap)

Bear: (One hind leg hanging down, both front paws on my chest) Mom! I’m falling!

Me: No you’re not, you just don’t fit anymore.

Bear: But I always fit in your lap (pulls his leg up and the other leg falls down) Mom!

Me: (slowly starts letting him down to the floor) How about I sit on the floor.

Bear: That’s no fun! (heads off to steal Betsy’s chew toy)

About 10 minutes later.

Bear: Mom! I want in your lap!