Homemade Pez Dispenser

Bear: (Moving food around the bottom of the food dish, flips food dish over, pushes upside down food dish across carpet, stops to eat each kibble as it works its way out from under the food dish)

Me: Oh, now I get it! You figured out how to make Pez dispensers!

Bear: (Sits down, looks at me) What’s a Pez dispenser?

Me: Something that with any luck at all you will never see or eat. Do you want me to flip the dish back over?

Bear: Yes, please.

Me: (Flips dish back over to reveal a pile of about 10 kibbles left)

Bear: (Eats all of the kibbles, looks at the empty food dish starts biting the sides and licking every inch of the inside of the food dish.)

Me: Bear, Why are you doing that?

Bear: I’m still hungry!

Me: I don’t suppose you noticed the full food dish next to you?

Bear: (Looks at other dish) Yeah but I don’t want that food.

Me: That food? Do I want to know what transition occurred after I scooped it out of the same bag as the food you just ate?

Tramp: No you don’t!

Me: Really? This sounds interesting

Tramp: Sigh

Bear: Lady touched it! It’s icky now!

Lady: (Walks by and takes a kibble from each dish and eats it, goes off to take a nap.)

Bear: See! They are all ruined now!!!

Encouragement

Tramp: Mom! Bear is stealing my blankets!

Me: (Walking into the room with their kennels) Bear?

Bear: (Dragging Tramp’s blankets into his kennel) What?

Me: What are you doing?

Bear: I want more blankets

Me: Two towels, one sheet and a blanket isn’t enough?

Bear: No!

Me: Wait, how exactly did you get his blankets, he has a small kennel.

Bear: Like this (Squeezes into the kennel designed for dogs up to 20 pounds, “turns around” and comes back out, head first)

Me: Wow, I’m impressed, how on earth did you turn around in there?

Tramp: MOTHER, Do NOT encourage him!

Me: Right, like it’s going to make a difference in what he does.

Bear: So can I keep the blankets?

Tramp: NO

Me: No, but if you want I will wash all of yours so they will be clean and warm tonight

Bear: (Launches into his kennel) No!!!!!!!

Tramp: (Grabs his blanket and drags it back to his kennel mumbling)

It’s not Missing, Just Found

Tramp: Mom, where are my blankets?

Me: They should be in your kennel

Tramp: Nope, it’s empty

Me: Bear! What did you do with Tramp’s blankets???

Bear: Mumble, mumble (pause) Nothing!

Tramp: Mom! He stole my blankets again!

Bear: (Sitting on Tramp’s blanket in the living room) Nu-uh I just find them!

Me: Really? Where? (Walking over to stand on the blanket)

Bear: He left them!

Tramp: In my kennel!

Me: Cheer up Tramp, he won’t fit in there much longer to steal them.

Bear: Fine! (Grabs the blanket and starts running to the back door)

Me: (Still standing on the blanket)

Bear: (Hits the end of the blanket and spins around) Mom!

Me: (Picking up the blanket and prying Bear’s mouth open to get the blanket) Tramp, How about I wash it so it will be warm and clean when you go to bed tonight?

Tramp: Yay!!!

Bear: Me too!

Me: Bear, I’m guessing you don’t remember the last blanket adventure

Bear: What adventure???

Blanket Saga 1

Me: (Picking up the blankets piled in the hallway)

Bear: Mom!!!! Those are mine!!! (launches at the blankets)

Me: I know they are but they need to be washed

Bear: No! Mine!! (grabs one of the blankets and starts pulling)

Me: Bear! You are out of clean blankets (starts walking down hallway pulling 3 blankets, a sheet and a stubborn puppy)

Bear: Help!!! Mom is stealing my blankets!

Tramp: (sits on one of the blankets I am dragging) What’s up?

Me: (Starting to add up the puppy weight I am dragging)

Tramp: You know she gives it back, right?

Bear: No! I want my blankets (lets go of the corner he was pulling on and jumps up to grab the sheet just below where I am holding it)

Me: (Wrapping the blankets around my hands for more leverage)

Tramp: (Still sitting on the blanket as it’s moving)

Me: Bear, let go! I am going to wash the blankets, with or without you attached

By this time we have gotten to the carpet and have two corners to turn to get to the washer

Bear: (Lets go enough to slide down and get a better grip and starts pulling backwards now that he has traction on the carpet)

Me: (Considers wrapping both dogs in the blankets and throwing the whole bundle in the backyard)

Me: (Finally navigated the corners and gets to the kitchen where the blankets slide again)

Bear: I want my blankets! (still pulling backwards)

Tramp: Time to go!(heads to the living room)

Me: (pulling the blankets up and feeding them into the washer inch by inch)

Bear: (hanging on until his feet aren’t touching the floor then lets go) Fine, I’ll go get Betsy’s chew toy.

Me: SIGH

On the upside – the blankets are clean