Category: Tramp


Squirrels!!!

Bear: So, I’ve been thinking.
Tramp: Dude! Pretty sure Mom does NOT like it when you do that.
Bear: We haven’t had a Tramp story in like forever.
Tramp: Wait, What?
Bear: Yeah, I want to tell a story about you!
Tramp: Uh, no. Mother!!! Bear is getting in Trouble!!!
Bear: She’s busy, she won’t hear you.
Tramp: Busy? After how you’ve been for the past couple of days? Seriously?
Bear: (Grumbles) She made me take my morning “nap” said it worked like a charm and went off to do “something”.
Tramp: (Snorts) Nap? Hahaha
Bear: So, ever tell all our friends why you have a harness for walks now instead of a collar?
Tramp: Bear!
Bear: (Snickers) We were on one of our walks at our park. Mom had found this great open spot so we were working on training. Tramp had already has his turn with all his tricks and Mom was helping me get better with mine.
Tramp: Which always takes longer than everyone else….
Bear: Hey! Anyway, Tramp is really, really short which is kinda important to this story, little tiny legs.
Tramp: (Snorts) I know where you sleep brat.
Bear: While Mom’s attention is completely on me where it should be.
Tramp: (Sigh)
Bear: Tramp sees a squirrel across the clearing on a tree. He kinda forgets he’s attached to Mom and goes after the squirrel. She always links our leashes and he’s got short legs so he was running at full speed by the time Mom realized what was going on and he hit the end of the leash.
Tramp: (Tucks his head under his paws)
Bear: Mom swears he almost hung himself he was running so fast. We had to walk slowly back to the car because he was coughing the whole way. He was fine a little bit later but he had a pretty new harness a couple of days later.
Tramp: Yup! Mom says there are too many squirrels in Texas for her to chance that again!

This is How We Make Dinner

In an effort to not break any bones due to tripping over all the little bodies who squeeze into my itty, bitty, little kitchen when I’m trying to make dinner I have started a new ritual.

It goes something like this:

Pull out 6 chew toys (no I haven’t gotten any more dogs)
Give one to each of the dogs, throw the extra two in the living room and scare the cats.
Head back into the wonderfully empty kitchen and start dinner.
Work quickly.
Get dinner a little more than half way done.
Trip over Tramp who is looking lost and has no chew toy.
Make a little more progress on dinner.
Trip over Rommie who looks downright upset and is missing a chew toy.
Look in kitchen doorway.
Wave at Lady since she doesn’t like walking on the kitchen floor she is standing in the doorway, no chew toy.
Finish dinner, carefully stepping over Tramp and Rommie.
Walk out into dinning room, find Bear surrounded by five chew toys and chewing on the sixth.
That’s my boy…

No Dustbunnies Here!

Me: (Quietly getting broom and dust pan)
Tramp: (From hallway) She’s sweeping!
Me: SIGH (Heads into kitchen)
Bear and Tramp: (Run into kitchen at full speed)
Me: (Starts sweeping at far end of kitchen, lots of shedded Bear fur)
Bear: (Plops down in doorway, no dust-bunnies will escape this exit)
Tramp: (Starts stalking the building dust pile as I get it about halfway down the kitchen)
Me: Tramp…
Tramp: (Pounces, scattering dust in all directions)
Bear: (Joins the fun and slides by sending most of the dust right back where it started.)
Me: (Going to other end of kitchen, starting from that end. Gets dust a little more than halfway, thinking positive thoughts)
Bear: (ATTACKS dust pile, scatters it in all directions)
Tramp: (In hot pursuit, jumps and lands on broom, looks at me)
Me: Boys! The point of this job is to get all the dust in ONE place so I can pick it up.
Bear: Nu-uh!
Tramp: Really? We’ve never done that before!
Me: I know, I normally give up after about 20 minutes and send you two outside so I can finish.
Bear: (Pounces on another patch of dust)
Tramp: Let me guess we’re going out?
Bear: Out? I want to go out!
Me: Let’s go out!!!

A weak mommy moment

Bear: (Spends evening covering living room with fluff.)
Me: Bedtime! (Kennels Bear and Tramp, gives bedtime treats, head back to living room and clean up fluff and toys)

Next morning

Me: (Lets boys out of kennels, fakes cheerful voice) Good morning Boys
Bear: Hi Mom!
Tramp: Yeah right.
Bear: (Trotting down hallway, turns corner to living room, stops in his tracks) Whoa, what happened?
Me: Keep going Bear, time to go out!
Bear: The fluff! All my fluff is gone! I worked on that all night long!
Tramp: Dude, grumbling at Mom first thing in the morning? Bad idea.
Me: No kidding, the kettle hasn’t even started warming the water yet.
Bear: Mother, we need to talk about this when I get back.
Me: Go for it. (Locking door, wondering if it duct tape would seal it permanently)

Bear: (Hits door handle a little while later to be let in)
Me: (Opens door )
Bear: (Sits in front of me with stern puppy look) Mother, I worked all night long to get all of the fluff just how I wanted it in the living room. I was looking forward to playing with it today.
Me: (Gives up trying to hide smile and covers face with hands) Oh baby Bear I’m so sorry. (Sits down in front of Bear) I didn’t realize you had done that on purpose you didn’t tell me. I must have had a weak mommy moment and cleaned the living room. I am so sorry! (Acts very upset, hands still covering face)

Everyone is very quiet.

Tramp: (Jumps in my lap and starts licking my chin)
Lady: I’m pretty sure she’s faking
Rommie: I am so not getting involved.
Bear: Um Mom, it’s ok, (bumps my hands with nose) I’m not mad, I should have told you. Mom?
Me: So you’re not mad? (I mumble through my hands)
Bear: Nope, not mad
Me: (Grabs Bear in hug) I want a Bear Kiss!
Bear: (Wiggles out of my reach) Mother! You were faking!
Me: Of course I was, a weak mommy moment? Really?
Bear: That is so not fair! (Stalks off to his kennel)

Homemade Pez Dispenser

Bear: (Moving food around the bottom of the food dish, flips food dish over, pushes upside down food dish across carpet, stops to eat each kibble as it works its way out from under the food dish)

Me: Oh, now I get it! You figured out how to make Pez dispensers!

Bear: (Sits down, looks at me) What’s a Pez dispenser?

Me: Something that with any luck at all you will never see or eat. Do you want me to flip the dish back over?

Bear: Yes, please.

Me: (Flips dish back over to reveal a pile of about 10 kibbles left)

Bear: (Eats all of the kibbles, looks at the empty food dish starts biting the sides and licking every inch of the inside of the food dish.)

Me: Bear, Why are you doing that?

Bear: I’m still hungry!

Me: I don’t suppose you noticed the full food dish next to you?

Bear: (Looks at other dish) Yeah but I don’t want that food.

Me: That food? Do I want to know what transition occurred after I scooped it out of the same bag as the food you just ate?

Tramp: No you don’t!

Me: Really? This sounds interesting

Tramp: Sigh

Bear: Lady touched it! It’s icky now!

Lady: (Walks by and takes a kibble from each dish and eats it, goes off to take a nap.)

Bear: See! They are all ruined now!!!

Bear the Magician

Bear: (Pushing food around dish with his nose, pushing food out of dish with his nose. Making very large pile of food “next” to the food dish)
Me: Bear. Stop. That.
Bear: (Grumbles, bumps food dishes, moves food around, more bumping.)
Me: Bear, eat or I am going to lock you in your kennel until I know you are hungry.
Bear: Fine. (More bumping, a couple of bites crunched loudly, several more bangs then the sound of an upside down food dish being pushed down the hallway)
Me: I know my headphones are around here somewhere…
Bear: (Reaches what sounds like end of hallway, more bangs, pushing starts again.)
Me: Oh great, he’s figured out turns.
Tramp: (Jumps on the couch next to me, not quite touching) Um Mom?
Me: What?
Tramp: We have a problem
Me: Other than the annoying one in the hallway?
Tramp: Well, kinda because of the annoying one in the hallway, we need help.
Me: Tramp, what on earth are you talking about?
Tramp: (Jumps off the couch and heads in the dining room to stand in front of the remaining three food dishes. All upside down.)
Me: Wait, I just filled those up
Tramp: (Nods)
Me: Awesome
Bear: (Runs around corner from hallway) Mom! I’m hungry! All the food disappeared!

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