Bear: (Pushing food around dish with his nose, pushing food out of dish with his nose. Making very large pile of food “next” to the food dish)
Me: Bear. Stop. That.
Bear: (Grumbles, bumps food dishes, moves food around, more bumping.)
Me: Bear, eat or I am going to lock you in your kennel until I know you are hungry.
Bear: Fine. (More bumping, a couple of bites crunched loudly, several more bangs then the sound of an upside down food dish being pushed down the hallway)
Me: I know my headphones are around here somewhere…
Bear: (Reaches what sounds like end of hallway, more bangs, pushing starts again.)
Me: Oh great, he’s figured out turns.
Tramp: (Jumps on the couch next to me, not quite touching) Um Mom?
Tramp: We have a problem
Me: Other than the annoying one in the hallway?
Tramp: Well, kinda because of the annoying one in the hallway, we need help.
Me: Tramp, what on earth are you talking about?
Tramp: (Jumps off the couch and heads in the dining room to stand in front of the remaining three food dishes. All upside down.)
Me: Wait, I just filled those up
Bear: (Runs around corner from hallway) Mom! I’m hungry! All the food disappeared!
Me: (Home from shopping run with two new rope toys, Bear gets the one with the soon to be destroyed toy in the middle, Tramp gets the rope with knots in each end.)
Bear and Tramp: (Head out of the kitchen with their new toys.)
Few minutes later.
Tramp: (Standing in kitchen doorway, no toy in sight.)
Me: Let me guess, Bear snagged your toy.
Me: (Heads out to living room to see what’s up.)
Bear: (Quite happily chewing on his own toy in front of the couch.)
Tramp: (Peaking out from the kitchen.)
Me: (Frowns at Tramp, heads back to kitchen.)
Bear: (Following me by about five steps, walks into the kitchen with Tramps toy.)
Tramp: Mom! He stole my toy!
Bear: (Drops toy) What?
Me: Tramp, since he wouldn’t have stole it without your help, he doesn’t get in trouble.
Bear: (Sits, looking very pleased.) Ha! (Looks confused) How did Tramp help me steal it?
Step 1 - Move table from living room into front room.
Step 2 - Move entertainment center over where table was to open space on the back wall.
Revised step 2 - Move Bear from where table was, bribery will probably be required.
Revised step 2 - Move pile of dog toys - toy box will be required.
Toy box found, toys moved.
Revised step 2 - Move tramps blanket from where table was, time check. Bear's bedtime in 40 minutes.
Plan for evening will resume in 40 minutes.
Me: (Hears whispers in the living room)
Bear: I'm not asking, she just let us in.
Rommie: I asked last time.
Tramp: Bear you have to she already got me once today.
Rommie: Like he does much better, did you see what happened this afternoon?
Bear: That's not fair! She has Scritch Magic! It makes me forget everything!
Tramp: I know!
Rommie: (Sighs) Bear! We need to go out! Just keep thinking OUT!
Bear: Ok, but she just let us in, I don't think this is going to work.
Me: (Feels Bear bump my leg) Hey sweetie (Scritches between Bears eyes, behind his ears, all down his neck and shoulders.) Ok, go play now.
Bear: Thanks Mom! (Heads back to Tramp and Rommie)
Rommie: (Shaking her head) Bear!
Bear: (Comes to a sudden stop) Uh oh
Tramp: I told you it wouldn't work.
Lady: Oh good grief, there is only one way to do this and none of you have figured it out.
Rommie: Oh really? Why don't you show us.
Lady: (Walks over sits in a begging stance 3 feet in front of me and grunts in a very annoying way)
Me: Lady, Do you need out?
Lady: Yes! (whispers to the other dogs) You can't let her touch you!
Me: (Trying out this nap concept with my nice warm fuzzy blanket on the couch, hears whispers)
Lady: Will you be quiet! You are going to wake her up!
Me: (Feels blanket around my feet move and small cold nose on the bottom of my feet.)
Tramp: (Slightly muffled) I found her feet!
Me: (Feels blanket around my hands being pulled away, large nose inspects both hands)
Bear: I found her hands!
Lady: Idiots! She's sleeping, not lost!
Tramp and Bear: Oh
Sounds of moving bodies for a couple of minutes, then more whispering
Bear: Lady, who is going to let us out if we need to go?
Lady: Mom will when she wakes up.
Bear: But what if we need to go out before she wakes up?
Lady: She's probably not going to sleep for a long time, so just hold it.
Bear: But what if it is a long time?
Lady: It won't be so just hush.
Bear: How do you know?
Lady: Because it's a nap and naps are short!
Bear: Who says naps are short?
Lady: Everyone! That's why it's a nap!
Bear: Are you sure?
Lady: Really? Just hush
Me: She's awake so it's not a problem, do you need to go out?
Bear: Oh Hi Mom, nope, I was just wondering.
Orginally published September 23, 2012
Me: (Scooping Godiva coffee into coffee press)
Bear: (Paws on counter next to me) Oh Mom, what is that?
Me: Bear, if you even try to sneak some of my Godiva I will hurt you.
Bear: (Drops off counter) Mother!
Tramp: Dude, she's serious.
Tramp: I tried it once, scariest thing ever!
Bear: (Eyes wide) What happened?
Tramp: I was only trying to smell the piece of candy.
Me: By stealing it out of my hand?
Tramp: She spanked me the worst ever!
Me: By bumping your nose?
Tramp: Then she picked me up by my tail!
Me: Carried you like normal?
Tramp: And threw me in my kennel.
Me: Put you down in front of it?
Tramp: She slammed the door shut!
Me: Latched the door closed?
Tramp: And left me there forever, I didn't think I was getting out again!
Me: About an hour?
Bear: (Whispers, eyes very wide) WOW!
Tramp: (Nodding head) Yeah, just avoid Mom when she has Godiva.
Me: (Thinking for a second) That works.
Orginally published September 22, 2012