Tag Archive: Humor


This is How We Make Dinner

In an effort to not break any bones due to tripping over all the little bodies who squeeze into my itty, bitty, little kitchen when I’m trying to make dinner I have started a new ritual.

It goes something like this:

Pull out 6 chew toys (no I haven’t gotten any more dogs)
Give one to each of the dogs, throw the extra two in the living room and scare the cats.
Head back into the wonderfully empty kitchen and start dinner.
Work quickly.
Get dinner a little more than half way done.
Trip over Tramp who is looking lost and has no chew toy.
Make a little more progress on dinner.
Trip over Rommie who looks downright upset and is missing a chew toy.
Look in kitchen doorway.
Wave at Lady since she doesn’t like walking on the kitchen floor she is standing in the doorway, no chew toy.
Finish dinner, carefully stepping over Tramp and Rommie.
Walk out into dinning room, find Bear surrounded by five chew toys and chewing on the sixth.
That’s my boy…

No Dustbunnies Here!

Me: (Quietly getting broom and dust pan)
Tramp: (From hallway) She’s sweeping!
Me: SIGH (Heads into kitchen)
Bear and Tramp: (Run into kitchen at full speed)
Me: (Starts sweeping at far end of kitchen, lots of shedded Bear fur)
Bear: (Plops down in doorway, no dust-bunnies will escape this exit)
Tramp: (Starts stalking the building dust pile as I get it about halfway down the kitchen)
Me: Tramp…
Tramp: (Pounces, scattering dust in all directions)
Bear: (Joins the fun and slides by sending most of the dust right back where it started.)
Me: (Going to other end of kitchen, starting from that end. Gets dust a little more than halfway, thinking positive thoughts)
Bear: (ATTACKS dust pile, scatters it in all directions)
Tramp: (In hot pursuit, jumps and lands on broom, looks at me)
Me: Boys! The point of this job is to get all the dust in ONE place so I can pick it up.
Bear: Nu-uh!
Tramp: Really? We’ve never done that before!
Me: I know, I normally give up after about 20 minutes and send you two outside so I can finish.
Bear: (Pounces on another patch of dust)
Tramp: Let me guess we’re going out?
Bear: Out? I want to go out!
Me: Let’s go out!!!

The Toy!

Normal day in my life:

I open the bathroom door, Bear carpet in place across threshold guarding door, Tramp sitting a few feet back monitoring door for any unusual activity. Both dogs look at me, Bear hops up, both head to the living room.

Day one of my not normal days:

I open the bathroom door, no Bear carpet. No Tramp. I walk into the living room, see Bear sitting in front of the couch looking at the fireplace. Tramp, sitting on the couch, looking at the front door. All seems to be fine until I see Rommie, she is glaring at me. Suddenly I realize The Toy, check on my bed where this treasured toy resides and it’s gone.

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Before I go on with this story I will explain. The Toy is Rommie’s toy. She isn’t a dog that plays with toys very much but she loves this toy because my daughter gave her this toy, she sleeps with it every night like a pillow. It was a gift and it’s hers. This also makes this Toy the hottest commodity in the house.

I head to Bear’s kennel and find The Toy in the back corner (of course). Once I have captured the toy, crawled back out of Bear’s kennel through Bear and gotten back to my bedroom surviving all manner of attempts to stop me I put The Toy up on the shelf for the rest of the day.

Day Two of my not normal days:

I open the bathroom door, Bear carpet, more than a little crooked across the threshold, no Tramp. Bear jumps up and heads directly for his kennel. I look at the bed and notice a missing Toy. I walk out of the bedroom to a glaring Rommie. When I get to Bears kennel I see a corner of The Toy peaking out from under one of his blankets. I climb back in his kennel rescue The Toy and put it up for the day.

Day Three of my not normal days:

I open the bathroom door, Bear carpet back in place, Tramp watching the door, all is good. I walk into the living room and Rommie glares at me. Yup, toy is gone, the boys are getting good.

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My morning ritual now includes putting The Toy up. If I manage to forget, Bear invites me into his kennel to retrieve the toy, Rommie makes sure I do.

I’m sure that’s a toy

Bear is chewing on a blue plastic thing. 
I’m pretty sure it used to be part of a larger dog toy. 
Mostly sure. 
I think it was. 
I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t, it’s not something I will be upset about if it breaks. 
There. 
I’m good. 
Bear’s a good boy!

Scritch Magic – Take two

Bear: (Walking out of hallway with one of my socks in his mouth)
Me: Bear! Give me that!
Bear: (Walks towards me, picking up every toy in his mouth on the way so they are in front of the sock. He’s up to five fitting in his mouth. Sits in front of me, jaws locked, mouth full of toys, sock no longer visible)
Me: SIGH (Digs toys out one by one, gets to extremely soggy sock and pulls it out of Bear’s mouth)
Bear: (Still looking at me)
Me: My sock, go away.
Bear: (Still looking at me)
Me: No!
Bear: (Puts head on my leg, gives me sad puppy eyes)
Me: (Scritches nose, head, ears, neck) There, go play now.
Bear: Yay! (Heads off to play)
Me: Scritch magic worked again!

Housework in my world

And this is why anything housecleaning related takes twice as long:

Me: It’s Thursday night!
Bear: And?
Me: We get to clean up the living room! I get to see the floor again!
Bear: No!!! That isn’t fair! I don’t like it when you move my toys.
Me: Right, One day a week I get a clean living room. Deal with it.
Bear: (Notices plastic bag in my hand) Mother, what is THAT for?
Me: Fluff, shredded boxes and various toy body parts that are no longer attached
Bear: (Giving me a horrified look) What are you going to do with it?
Me: Why don’t you go out. Are you sure the backyard is still there?
Bear: Out! I need to go out!
Me: (Quickly picking up all the previously listed items and putting them in trash)
Bear: (Banging door handle after confirming location of backyard)
Me: (Letting him back in) Ok, ready to pick up all the toys?
Bear: (Wilts) If we have to.
Me: (Picks up dog bed, carries it back to boys room, drops it inside the door)
Bear: (Follows me, picks dog bed up, brings it back to living room drops in exact same spot)
Me: Bear, this isn’t going to work if you bring everything back.
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: (Picks up dog bed, carries it back to boys room, drops it inside the door)
Bear: (Follows me, picks dog bed up, brings it back to living room drops in exact same spot)
Me: Bear.
Bear: What?
Me: One more time and leave the dog bed in your room this time.
Bear: (Looks at me)
Me: Right (Picks up dog bed, carries it back to boys room, drops it inside the door)
Bear: (Follows me, picks dog bed up, brings it back to living room drops bed and stands on it)
Me: Ok, time for something different. (Picks up Bears empty toy box and starts picking up toys, filling the toy box)
Bear: (Still standing on bed) Wait! Don’t move those!
Me: (Gets last toy picked up and squished into toy box. Looks at Bear)
Bear: (Comes over to make sure all of his toys are safe.)
Me: (Walks towards boys room, grabs dog bed off the floor, stacks it on top of the top box and drops the whole thing in the boys room.)
Bear: Mother!!!!!!!
Me: (Quickly turns on vacuum)
Bear: Wait! I have to go protect my toys! (Runs to back room until the monster is done making noise)
Me: Oh look a clean living room 🙂

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