Tag: Humor

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Homemade Pez Dispenser

Bear: (Moving food around the bottom of the food dish, flips food dish over, pushes upside down food dish across carpet, stops to eat each kibble as it works its way out from under the food dish)

Me: Oh, now I get it! You figured out how to make Pez dispensers!

Bear: (Sits down, looks at me) What’s a Pez dispenser?

Me: Something that with any luck at all you will never see or eat. Do you want me to flip the dish back over?

Bear: Yes, please.

Me: (Flips dish back over to reveal a pile of about 10 kibbles left)

Bear: (Eats all of the kibbles, looks at the empty food dish starts biting the sides and licking every inch of the inside of the food dish.)

Me: Bear, Why are you doing that?

Bear: I’m still hungry!

Me: I don’t suppose you noticed the full food dish next to you?

Bear: (Looks at other dish) Yeah but I don’t want that food.

Me: That food? Do I want to know what transition occurred after I scooped it out of the same bag as the food you just ate?

Tramp: No you don’t!

Me: Really? This sounds interesting

Tramp: Sigh

Bear: Lady touched it! It’s icky now!

Lady: (Walks by and takes a kibble from each dish and eats it, goes off to take a nap.)

Bear: See! They are all ruined now!!!

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Pigpen revisited

Rachel ‘s cat Snow apparently decided to play with Bear this morning. The best I can figure is Bear buried the silly cat. They come in from the back yard, Bear obviously having rolled in the grass and Snow COMPLETELY covered in dirt and grass. Completely. Dust was puffing off of him as he walked.

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The Boy Learns

Bear: (Head butting the closed kitchen doors)
Me: Bear! Stop! That!
Bear: But Mom! I want in the kitchen!
Me: Really? I had no idea.
Tramp: (Snickers)
Bear: Mother (Sits in his pretty sits, gives me his sad puppy stare) please let me in the kitchen.
Me: No. I’m making pulled chicken and you aren’t allowed in there right now.
Bear: But it smel.. Uh I left a toy in there
Tramp: Wow, the boy’s learning
Me: Bear, even though you can’t get to what “smells good” in there, I’ve already cleaned paw prints off the counters a couple of times today and have no interest in doing it again right now.
Bear: (Walks over to where I am sitting, puts his paws in my lap and gives me a Bear kiss) Please!
Tramp: Goodness he’s pulling out all the stops.
Me: (Hugs Bear) Nope, not going to work.
Bear: Fine (Leaves living room, scratches in his kennel for a little while, sighs loud enough to be heard in the living room and plops down to take a nap.)

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Confusion Strikes

Me: (Putting potato in microwave, moving dish of pulled chicken to back of counter. Leaving kitchen while dinner cooks)
Bear: (Quietly walks into kitchen, over to counter, slowly jumps up to put front paws on counter.)
Me: Bear? Something you needed?
Bear: (Looks at me while still standing at the counter, tilts head, drops down and looks confused.) Yeah Mom? (Head still tilted walks to me.)
Me: You’re going with confusion?
Bear: (Sits next to me, head still tilted) I’m hungry Mom!
Me: Three piles of food next to the dishes in my dining room would dispute that fact Baby Bear.
Bear: (Puts head in my lap, looks at me. Suddenly jumps across my lap) Bear Kisses!!!!
Me: Ah! There we go!

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Starving with Puppy Food

Bear: (Carrying one of the food dishes) Mom!!! Betsy ate all the food, I’m starving to death!!!

Me: Starving? Really??

Bear: (Shaking food dish, then drops it) Yes! It’s empty!

Me: Did you by any chance notice the other 3 mostly full food dishes?

Bear: No! This is MY dish and Betsy ate all my food!

Me: Tell me again when this became your food dish? I could have sworn the one in your kennel with the puppy food was yours.

Bear: Yuck! I hate puppy food!

Me: I noticed.

Bear: (Picks up food dish and drops it again) Mom! Starving here!!

Me: Why don’t you go kennel so you can eat?

Bear: Mom!!!

Me: Bear!!!

Bear: (Grumbles) I don’t know why you make me eat the puppy food anyway, I’m a big boy!

Betsy: Puppy food? Where?? I want puppy food!!

Bear: No way Betsy! That’s MY food, you can’t have any!!! (Runs to kennel) Mom, hurry up and let me in!

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It’s not Missing, Just Found

Tramp: Mom, where are my blankets?

Me: They should be in your kennel

Tramp: Nope, it’s empty

Me: Bear! What did you do with Tramp’s blankets???

Bear: Mumble, mumble (pause) Nothing!

Tramp: Mom! He stole my blankets again!

Bear: (Sitting on Tramp’s blanket in the living room) Nu-uh I just find them!

Me: Really? Where? (Walking over to stand on the blanket)

Bear: He left them!

Tramp: In my kennel!

Me: Cheer up Tramp, he won’t fit in there much longer to steal them.

Bear: Fine! (Grabs the blanket and starts running to the back door)

Me: (Still standing on the blanket)

Bear: (Hits the end of the blanket and spins around) Mom!

Me: (Picking up the blanket and prying Bear’s mouth open to get the blanket) Tramp, How about I wash it so it will be warm and clean when you go to bed tonight?

Tramp: Yay!!!

Bear: Me too!

Me: Bear, I’m guessing you don’t remember the last blanket adventure

Bear: What adventure???

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