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Mom’s Godiva

Me: (Scooping Godiva coffee into coffee press)
Bear: (Paws on counter next to me) Oh Mom, what is that? 
Me: Bear, if you even try to sneak some of my Godiva I will hurt you. 
Bear: (Drops off counter) Mother!
Tramp: Dude, she's serious.
Bear: Really?
Tramp: I tried it once, scariest thing ever!
Me: Really? 
Bear: (Eyes wide) What happened?
Tramp: I was only trying to smell the piece of candy.
Me: By stealing it out of my hand?
Tramp: She spanked me the worst ever!
Me: By bumping your nose?
Tramp: Then she picked me up by my tail!
Me: Carried you like normal?
Tramp: And threw me in my kennel.
Me: Put you down in front of it?
Tramp: She slammed the door shut!
Me: Latched the door closed?
Tramp: And left me there forever, I didn't think I was getting out again!
Me: About an hour?
Bear: (Whispers, eyes very wide) WOW! 
Tramp: (Nodding head) Yeah, just avoid Mom when she has Godiva.
Me: (Thinking for a second) That works.

Orginally published September 22, 2012
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The Toy Stash

Me: (Standing in front of the dryer pulling toys out of the stash bag hanging over the dyer.)
Bear: (Running up to me, Tramp following close behind) Mother! What are you doing? 
Me: (Pulling tag and stickers off the toys) Taking all the stuff off the toys so they are safe for you guys. 
Bear: (Stands up with paws on dryer trying to reach toys in my hand) You always take so long to do that, you need to do that before!

Me: What if this is a before and I'm not going to give you these toys?
Bear: (Wilts into a sit) Mother, you wouldn't!
Me: (Holds up two toys) Bear the big one and Tramp the little one? 
Bear: No! I can hold both of those in my mouth I want both!
Tramp: sigh
Me: Bear, one or none.
Bear: Fine, the small one!
Tramp: This is gonna be fun.
Me: (Hands Bear the small one, reaches over to hand Tramp the big one)
Bear: (Accidentally drops the small one while reaching for the big one)
Tramp: (Grabs the small one as it hits the floor and runs out of the kitchen)
Bear: Mom! Tramp stole my toy! 
Me: And?
Orginally published September 17, 2012
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Are These Supposed to Squeak?

Me: Bear, Don't make the cats squeak
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: Bear, Don't make the cats squeak
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: Bear, Don't make the cats squeak
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: Bear, Don't make the cats squeak
Bear: Ok Mom

Me: Bear, Don't make the cats squeak
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: Bear, Don't eat the cat
Bear: Ok Mom
Me: Thanks for switching it up Sweetie
Bear: No problem Mom

Originally Published September 15th
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Culinary Expertise from Bear

Me: (Standing at refrigerator waiting for a mostly empty ice maker to spit out ice cubes.)
Bear: Mom hurry I want some ice.
Me: Bear, the bin is almost empty so it takes a little longer.
Bear: (Sitting beside me.) And whose brilliant idea was it to empty the bin in the first place? The ice tasted fine.
Me: Ah, culinary expertise from the smartass. (Drops an ice cube in Bears mouth) Here is your ice cube.
Bear: (Drops ice cube on the floor.) One? Are you serious?
Me: Yup, you only got that one because it dropped while you were talking.
Bear: Fine (Hits ice cube with his paw, it shoots towards the kitchen door)
Tramp and Lady: (Leave the kitchen)
Me: (Grabs kitchen counter)
Bear: (Catches up with ice cube, hits it again and sends it flying past me. Bear follows in hot pursuit, he notices my leg about a foot out and tries to skid to a stop.)
Me: (Standing as close to the counter as possible, hanging on as Bear crashes)
Bear: Mother! You are in the way.
Me: Of course
Bear: Wait, my ice cube is gone. Mom I need another one! (Sits his pretty sit.) Please?????

Orginally published September 13, 2012

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Toy Boxes!

Me: (Hears plastic object being moved down hallway) Bear, leave your toy box in your room.
Bear: Ok Mom (Starts sliding toy box again, comes into living room and drops toy box)
Me: Pretty sure I’m not sitting in your room baby Bear
Bear: (Looks at me, tilts his head) No you aren’t
Me: Then explain why I can see your toy box.
Bear: Oh, that (Plops down behind toy box)
Me: (Hears Bear start chewing on toy box) Bear! Do NOT chew on your toy box and take it back to your room!
Bear: What toy box?

 

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Metal, the Perfect Chew Toy

Silly me, I thought the 5 lb hand weight would be too heavy for Bear to play with for very long. I had to perform a major toy stealing operation just to get it back. Of course now he chases it every time I use it making the whole exercise thing a bit more challenging.

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